If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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