Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
