like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
