Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
