all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
