You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
