my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
