Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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