Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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