before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
