dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
