need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
