I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
