Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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