I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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