we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
