Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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