i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
