i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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