I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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