I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
