So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
