Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
