I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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