I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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