Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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