May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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