if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
