Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's shark week go big or go home
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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