I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
