my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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