i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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