you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
