i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
