I want to make a zoo with you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
