somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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