Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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