I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
