adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
