So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
