I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
