I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
where are my eyebrows?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize