I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
