Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
