Someone shit on the floor
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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