You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
