Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
