there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn