11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.