My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson