I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.