He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
