allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
