i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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