Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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