I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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