Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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