I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
