just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize