He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
