Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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