my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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