he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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