i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize