Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
