Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize