I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize