if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
