so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
