I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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