I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
