she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
