Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize