It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
