You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
