super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
