you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
