Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
