you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
