Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
