She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
