There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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