Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
