Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
