A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
