is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
