I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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